I had a few minutes in the morning to call my Mom.
It’s been a long time since it seemed we really connected. This time our conversation felt different. We chatted about the weather, our plans for the week ahead. She asked about Emma and then said, “I don’t know how you do it. It was so different when you kids were young. I can’t imagine raising a child in this world.”
…
There were no manuals, then.
There are no manuals now.
No little slips of paper in the suggestion box.
To make things more difficult, I was estranged from my parents when my Sweet Louise was born. I didn’t have the opportunity to glean their insight with my newborn. Their wisdom was far from my reach.
A generation of knowledge was separated by miles of judgement and years of mutually hurting hearts.
After the divorce, when Emma was just six years old, I was pretty much alone in this ballgame of parenting.
“It’s just you & me, kid.”
So, I thought.
Well…it’s been awhile.
Almost eight years have passed since then and things have truly changed.
That wee little one holding my hand, looking up & smiling at me is now at my eye level.
She’s in her first year of high school.
She knows and loves those grandparents she didn’t meet until she was nine. Broadway musicals are a favorite. She loves baking & everything British, and she has read more books since first grade than I’ve read all my life.
But one thing is still the same.
She still lights up a room when she walks in.
God has got this girl!
And through her, He’s showing me how He holds us both : )
Isaiah 41: 10
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”
If you talk to any of my friends who have seen me through these years, they could tell you of my great insecurities.
…
The times when I could hardly get a hold of myself, discovering that someone had harmed my dear little girl. I was sickened to the core of my being.
The late night phone-calls asking for advice. What do I do now? Screaming the unfairness of this life as her father abandoned her.
Somehow I thought that if I could control the outcomes, I was a worthwhile parent. That I was in some way valuable.
This twisted, boxed-in thinking quickly became my prison.
I felt trapped and weak.
Desperate.
…
As I look back on those years from this distance, I have more clarity. I can see the feelings that were suffocated by fear.
What I was really saying, was – I’m so scared and I’m so lost.
What I was really asking, was – how do I keep her heart from being shattered?
What I was really wanting, was – an assurance that nothing bad would befall her.
I wanted so desperately to protect her from any harm. Any conflict.
Any trial.
John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
But…in time, and by His grace He has taught me so very much.
I have learned that all of my planning could not hold back the sin of this world.
All of my teaching and training could not prepare her for this sometimes painful existence.
And that as it is said in the Word, “My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”
So it is true – that God does not call the equipped, but He equips the called.
I did not choose this life.
If I’d have had my way, it would have been an easier path. One without the trauma. Certainly one without the heartbreak, the misery, and the loss.
But no matter how I choose to look at it, this is the life I have been given.
On the mountain top and in the valley, He is there. In the trouble and when I feel alone, He is there.
For He equips the called.
And I am certain that He has called me.
This heart of mine knows no greater Love.
This soul yearns for more of His perfect peace.
…
So, where does that leave me? Where does that leave you?
As we wander this world walking through the longest hours of aching human kind.
Whilst we face fears and battle-scars breathing at our backs. How do we prepare for the next steps on our journey in this life?
How do we ready our children for this world that is vastly different from the one we grew up in?
We prepare in His presence.
When we are still we hear His calling. Our hearts attuned to His voice. A voice that drowns out the noise and chaos of this world. His voice that silences the enemy.
With the shield of His Word, we can walk bravely into the battles of our days. For we know that He promises us a way. He will be our shelter.
Our provision.
God makes ready the way for us to go.
In His presence we find our hearts beat steady, and strong. For He is the Truth.
He is the Way.
And this is the only preparation we need.
I watched her as she prepared for another flight.
The little girl I once worried about is now a young woman in flight training. A pilot one day. She tells me that there’s no place that she’d rather be than in the air. Her smile assures me of her conviction.
Today she did the pre-flight inspection on her own.
Her instructor said she was ready.
Cockpit. Flaps.
Fuselage.
Rudder. Trim tab.
Nose. Propeller.
Wing.
Aileron.
She has studied and trained.
Her preparation is complete and now she is ready to fly.
And so it is with this life we have been given.
We can stay grounded by the burdens of fear that grip us.
We can remain tethered by the rope of lies that the enemy pulls tight.
or…
We can take the hand of our Savior.
Our Jesus.
Who came to save.
Who came to lift us above the troubles of this world, to view our lives from a different, Holy vantage point.
We can choose to loose our burdens in the light of redemption ~ knowing that He died on the Cross to set us free.
Allowing us to take to the sky and soar, enjoying a beautiful view.
Isaiah 40:31
“But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
I have only tasted the goodness of the joy that lies in His open arms.
Each day, I am drawn into the wonderment of this amazing life that I didn’t ask for.
This life that is beyond my wildest dreams!
One that is filled with an awe of His Glory. And the learning that in Him we need nothing more to be prepared for our journey.
…
It was near the end of the first quarter of the school year. I remember saying to my Sweet Louise how proud I was of her for handling the transition to high-school. How I admired her ability to grow through the challenges.
She is gradually becoming a more vibrant image of the young lady that God is calling her to be.
When I complimented her, she replied, “Mom, you’re the one I’m proud of.”
I didn’t understand.
She explained that in me she had seen a shifting of my perspective. A letting go of the sense of loss that I used to hold so tightly. No longer was I crying about her growing up, wrapped in the sadness of childhood lost.
Instead, she has seen me resting in Him.
Surrendering my grip has allowed me to walk with my beautiful daughter, instead of being bound down by my emotion. I am able to relish in each day with her as she grows in her trusting of His great provision for her life.
In His presence I can feel the warm, glowing love of His Sovereign hand on our lives.
And that’s all I need.
My Sweet Louise 
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