It was way past bedtime.
We were on our way home from visiting some friends that night. My Sweet Louise was fast asleep, lying peacefully in the passenger seat.
Her dream-filled breath slow and rhythmic.
The night air was damp as I rolled down the window to glance at the stars.
Some fresh air would do me good. I was exhausted from the week. My eyes were heavy and I still had another hour’s drive home.
Cars were scarce and the journey seemed especially long.
Then from the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of the moon.
That brilliant orb that God hangs with care each night.
Illuminating the evening sky.
An elegant amber sphere rising slowly through the charcoal of night.
Ahhhh….yes.
My night-light.
My luminous friend to spill milky white over the country roads winding long and narrow before me.
I could see just enough to make out a fox swiftly darting into the night. His tail an ember of burnt sienna with a white-hot tip trailing off into the tall grass.
Later, I was able to make out the silhouettes of two deer at the roadside. A mama and her fawn. Creeping from the brambles they cautiously stretched their legs.
A silent walk in the stillness of night.
That moon was an ever-pleasant companion for my drive home.
And with its light, beauty was revealed in the midst of the darkness. 
…
It had been a challenging week around our house.
It seemed we were in the middle of one of those storms in life. When it keeps raining down.
Not the kind of rain from clouds overhead, but the kind from circumstance, situation and world change.
Onerous happenings at school and the rigors of work stretched us both beyond our liking.
We struggled to keep our wits about us. Trying desperately not to lash out at one other in the aftermath.
I knew my Sweet Louise was enduring distress, like me. She was experiencing her own emotional limitations while I was reeling in a world of responsibility and overwhelm.
What a pair.
When I’m in that place, that space of frustration and upheaval I often feel helpless.
With conditions outside of our control we decided to surrender to distraction.
And as luck would be, it just so happened to be National Toasted Marshmallow Day!
So…instead of focusing on the anxieties at hand, we opted for gratitude.
Thankful for each other and for our home ~ our safe haven.
We built a fire with our handmade lighters from last year’s honey harvest.
Dehydrated orange halves were filled with wood chips, then doused with melted beeswax. Now hardened, these little gems smelled fragrantly of autumn.
Their contents holding promise of warmth and light.
This little sliver of evening was spent in laughter and sweetness.
An hour later, we were licking sticky fingers covered in marshmallow goo and melted chocolate.
Crumbs of graham crackers lay crunchy on the deck below. A nice surprise snack they would be for the birds the next morning : )
We headed happily inside, smelling of woodsmoke and newfound summer memories.
…
I sat on the couch that night after Emma had gone to bed.
I contemplated the evening.
When it was all said and done, nothing had changed.
The plight of worry that over-arched the week was still there. The same problems were waiting just outside the door. After a good night’s sleep we would step over the threshold and back into the world.
Back into the problems.
With my eyes things still looked the same. But with my heart I saw something different.
The angst that I held hours ago, was now replaced with thoughts of time spent with my darling daughter.
Telling stories in the glow of vermilion flames.
Seeing the reflection of joy in her eyes as we giggled over which charred marshmallow to choose.
It hit me then in those wee hours.
That when we choose Jesus, we choose light.
Like the moon on that ride home.
Like the incandescent blaze of the evening.
He offers us just enough illumination to see what is before us.
Just enough for the present moment.
For looking at what is behind can bring with it reminders of pain past. And the future carries in our worry and concern.
But before us is now.
This narrow slice of time and space that we occupy.
Before us is beauty.
Before us is the outstretched hand of our LORD and Savior.
The rest shall fade away.
John 8:12
When Jesus spoke again to the people, He said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”
James 1:17
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
…
I am forever amazed at how God does His work in the dark places.
Those places we feel forlorn and weak. Days that we are encumbered by the daunting tasks that lie ahead.
When we’re looking for some light in our days, He is using us. Through us His Light shines. In our feelings of vulnerability and surrender He champions our faith for us!
I have seen this over and over again.
Not just in the day-to-day musterings of faith. Our constant call to trust.
But in the broad and brilliant brushstrokes.
The culminating chapters of our lives that we may see as failure. As empty compartments of wandering.
On the toasted marshmallow days He is doing great things!
For when we are searching for direction ~ our days, our faithful efforts are not wasted.
He uses those trials and tumblings for good.
I can remember the days that rolled into months.
Then to years.
I waded through the muck of misery that was my then, existence. The daily drudgery of legal documents. Gathering witnesses and worn-out emotions. Courtroom battles and bedtime routines.
At the end of those long and arduous days, I would tuck-in my Sweet Louise then let-out the sobs that held my heart.
This pattern repeated itself for months.
A cycle of struggle and subsequent release.
I was caught in the burden and belabored by the pain. Each day I wrestled to keep my head above the crashing waves. Gasping for breath and sputtering for sanity.
But these seemingly insignificant hours were made glorious by the King.
They were not wasted weeks.
They were not extinguished in His story.
He used my tiny mustard seeds to grow faith not only in me, but in others outside my situation.
Others watching.
Onlookers of this journey.
For as I was clinging to His promises, He was using this chapter of my life for teaching. But I was too saturated in sadness to see what He was up to.
All this time later, I have a window to see into the making of that part of my story.
I was a character in a book. An instructional manual of sorts. Recommendations and suggestions for keeping vigilant in this broken world.
For opening our eyes to His works.
Even in the dark.
Even in the despair and often unbeknownst to us. 
Psalm 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Nearly a decade has passed since that stage – that theater of my life.
I used to glance back.
And in the shadows of the fight I could only see that span of life as one of Shakespeare’s tragedies. A play of persecution.
But now I am able to see things differently. I can recognize His grace in the stage directions. Defining remarks that indicated God’s intent and desire.
He was going to use it for good.
He had a plan to use it for a greater purpose.
That time for me was a piecing together of remnants of trust. A quilt of comfort sewn faithfully by my Savior.
A treasure to wrap around me in the struggles that this life will undoubtedly offer in chapters to come.
For even in the midst of our wanderings His plan is meticulously at work.
As we seek refuge from the resistance, He is holding us. Illuminating our path with His Word.
Just enough to keep us on track.
To keep us wanting more of His Glory.
So when this weeks’ swell of uncertainty tried heartily to overtake us, we decided instead to duck beneath the surf and discover a new place of joy.
A place far from the crashing waves of chaos.
A place of peace and stillness in His beauty.
In the here.
And the now.
Here is a sweet memory from the younger days of my Sweet Louise. A short little video to remind us of the beauty and strength that finds its way in surrender.
Enjoy…
<p><a href=”https://vimeo.com/248967449″>Piper (2016) – Disney Pixar (HD)</a> from <a href=”https://vimeo.com/slovomiru”>slovomiru</a> on <a href=”https://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a>.</p>
My Sweet Louise 
Please share your thoughts.