When things just seem to keep piling up…

Sometimes I forget I don’t have to have all the answers.

I don’t have to know how the schedule for next month is going to all work out, with track practice, and bus routes. Or comprehend how my daughter will ever have enough money to pay for college 4 years from now. On certain days, just figuring out what I’ll put on the dinner table can be enough of a challenge after a long day at work.

Things in life just seem to pile up.  And it can be overwhelming.  

As any of us can attest to, there are things and duties that are never-ending in this life. I don’t have to walk further than the laundry room to be reminded of this simple reality.

Laundry.

Dishes.

Bills.

And these are just the physical aspects ‘piling up’ in our daily lives.

What about the emotional burdens that pile up on our hearts?

Words that were spoken to us as children, telling us over and over again that we wouldn’t amount to anything. Fearful and angry people in our lives, with hurts of their own, spewing out despair and frustration on our tiny souls.

Condemning conversations and unfulfilled promises by loved ones. Illusions of power and control, spun from sadness and defeat in their own past. Desperate attempts to bring us down with them, as their ship sinks slowly into a darkened and miserable space.

Our children, bullied by others with words and with fists. Maybe because of the color of their skin. Maybe because of how they dress. Or, maybe because of the way they act and how they move in this world. But always from a place of hatred and misunderstanding. We watch as their little hearts crumble, trying our best to hold them together.

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Where do we turn for our strength ~ what’s on the top of our ‘pile’ to reach for when we need help?

Better yet…Who do we reach for when we’re feeling the pressure beneath the piling on?

The piling on of responsibility, of consuming emotion, and the pain in this world.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned, is that when I’m distraught over anything in my life, trying to find the happy ending, or wanting it just to go away, I need to do one thing.

Step outside.

This is where I connect with God.  

This is where I step away from the struggles and confusion… and breathe again.

When I step outside into Creation, I am reminded that the Maker of this incredible, beautiful world around me, is the same God who loves me infinitely.  Immersing myself in the sounds and the sights of the living earth helps me to see the love story.

The love story that He has written for me.  And for you.

When I am drawn outside, He is drawing me closer to Him.  

What once seemed to be a flurry of cold and chaos, gently and gradually becomes evidence of His grace.

As the snow blankets the earth in silence, so does He quiet the worries of the day.  And in that, He reveals a clear path for me. A path that may meander through unknown places for my learning and growth.

But always a path that leads me to the Cross.

For it is there that we see His true love for us.  The sacrifice of His own Son so that we could live eternally with Him in Heaven.

For this life of things to do, of suffering and of sadness, is not our true home.  

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He is the giver who piles on comfort for the weary.

He is the Almighty who piles on healing for those who are broken and burdened.

He is the Truth.  And in His Word we find story after story of how He has piled on his love to mend this lost and fragmented world.

There are so many of my own experiences I could share with you to tell of God’s goodness and how He has abundantly piled His love on me in this life.  But today, there is one in particular, that comes to mind.  It is a testimony to His Glory.

Enjoy…

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I was on my knees.

It was almost 7 years ago.  But I remember like it was yesterday. 

You know…those things that happen in your life that really capture your attention.  I used to think  it was the depth of despair that made me recall with vivid memory.  But it was not.

Rather ~ God’s redeeming love in it all.  That’s what made the mark on my heart.

The searing beauty of our Father’s grace that I will never forget.  

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I hadn’t had time, the night before, to open the mail.  I grabbed it on the way out the door and tossed it in the passenger seat of the car. Between appointments,  I picked up the envelope on the top of the stack. It was from the attorney’s office ~ another bill for hours of services rendered in divorce proceedings.

It was only a letter.  A piece of paper. But somehow, it was the thing that broke me.  

After 6 months of relentless arguing in court, not only had the fighting taken it’s toll, but the emotional bludgeoning had left me deeply wounded.  Trying to manage my work, my then, 6 year old daughter’s schedule, the meetings with my lawyer, and the financial burden ~ it was too much for me to bear.

The invoice was only a document. Nevertheless, it was a tangible reminder of where my life was at.

I can see myself…my car parked at the side of the road.  I was worn and tired.  Sobbing, with may face in my hands, I cried out loud, asking God to help me. I had no idea how I was going to pay the account up to date, not to mention the continued debt that I would incur in this painful process.  I had called my creditors earlier in the day to see if they would extend my credit. They denied my request. Tapped out. Nothing left.

I was at the wall and life was crushing in on me.

Or so it seemed…

I got myself together and went on with my day. Going to meetings. Completing appointments.  And scheduling others.

I arrived home late in the afternoon and pulled into the driveway, exhausted. I reached in and grabbed what was in the mailbox, then headed to the house.

Flipping through the stack, I was caught by a particular piece of mail. The return address was from my parents. This doesn’t sound so odd, to many.  But you have to know that I had only recently been reacquainted with them after a long, 10-year estrangement. We were in contact with one another, but our relationship had a long way to go.

But that didn’t matter to God. 

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

I opened that envelope, my mind racing.  What could they possibly be writing to me about? There was a brief letter saying they wanted to extend a ‘gift’ to all of their children. (There are 5 of us.) They said they hoped that it would help us in some way.

But as God’s grace would have it, there with that little note, was a BIG check.  

I fell to my knees as I did that morning. Then I was pleading for answers. Now hours later, God had turned the table. He had generously piled on His love, offering a a place to breathe and an opportunity to express my gratitude. Who would have ever imagined such a story?!

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And as amazing as that sounds, it was.  However, the blessing was so much greater than the money itself. Yes, I was able to pay the invoice from the attorney’s office. But you see, more than balancing the check book, God was interested in balancing my life.  He was showing me that He could use anyone, at any time, to bring healing and redemption.

That day was a bridge to a new relationship with my parents.  

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It was also was the beginning of my turning things over to God and trusting Him with it all. If He could do that in my life ~ if He could perform nothing short of a miracle, to take care of me ~ then it made me wonder why I was trying so hard to do things on my own.

He was calling my heart into a deeper relationship with Him.

For most of my life, I had tried to control the outcome of so many situations.  So many relationships. But God has taught me, that whatever dreams I have for my life, they are tiny in comparison to the great things He has in store.

He has provided for me through all these years.

He is with me always.

So…little bit by bigger bit, I surrender.

That way, there’s so much more room in my heart for Him. And so much more time to watch the ways that He piles on His love, over an over again!