Blessings of a broken heart.

I remember him telling me to one day write this love story.

The one that started along the river’s edge.

And I told him that I couldn’t write it until God finished it.

…

I find freedom in writing.

In the spilling of thoughts and emotions out onto a page.  Getting things outside of me. It’s a release, of sorts. A gift that I can unwrap again and again, surprising me every time with a deeper sense of clarity.

A further understanding of my Jesus.

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…

The love story that began with long afternoon walks alongside that beautiful, meandering river.

Canopied by the boughs of old sycamores, sunshine flickered through the leaves. The water glistened. Rushing clear and cool over silver-gray, aged rocks. A summer breeze gently bending the branches of a willow. A quiet rustling.

I had never felt more at home than in his company.

Hours spent together talking. Sharing stories and laughter.

Oh, how we laughed!

Even when I was crying, he knew how to find a way to make me smile again. No one has ever been able to do that.

I had found a treasured friend.

Picnics at the park.

A blanket for the grass and a basket full of warm conversation. His words filled my empty heart. He helped me to see the goodness in my life.

In myself.

This adoring friend came into my life at a crossroads. We met the year before I began the gradual descent into those dark months of my depression.  Sinking slowly into an abyss of fear and confusion.

I was shattered.

I felt the epitome of helpless.

I’ll never forget his visits while I was in the hospital.  I had checked myself in, my mind spinning out of control. Desperately wanting help.

His kind eyes and gentle smile were a respite to the cluttered chaos in my head.

Christmas was coming and I began to improve. The new year brought promise of a fresh perspective on life. Healing was finding its way in.

…

Our friendship grew through the seasons.

I remember sitting together in the car during the silence of a snowstorm ~ appreciating the simple beauty of that white winter blanket that wrapped around us.

We shared a sense of quiet peace and awe.

Then there were the playful snowball fights. Walks at the park. Each experience layered with wonderful conversation.

…

Months passed.

As the spring sun began the thaw, tender green shoots peeked up from beneath the snow. So too, did the truth of his future emerge.

Life was calling my friend in another direction.

He was moving. And not right around the corner.

1,200 miles away.

My heart ached. 

Not just for that moment ~ but for years later.

Many years.

…

I have heard it said that some people come into your life just to teach you to let go.

Others, to show you who you can be.

Or simply someone to walk a particular journey with.

Perhaps, all of the above.

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His leaving helped me to realize how truly lost I really was in this world.

You see…I thought that in that space of connection, in that kinetic mingling of souls ~ that I had found my place.  My home.

I had never been more wrong.

…

All the while, God was patiently waiting for me.

I had grown accustomed to thinking that I knew myself. That I somehow understood my own needs. I was certain of what might fulfill my desirous heart.

Au contraire mon ami.

For that I am not equipped.

That knowledge is held solely in the hands of my Creator.

My Heavenly Father.

He knew that what I was truly searching for was only found in stillness.

In His Peace.

As I was preoccupied chasing my dreams, Christ was chasing me.

Mark 12:30

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

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It is the month of June.

The month of brides.

Beneath azure skies. Amid the fragrance and beauty of springtime blossoms. Birdsong in the air.

A perfect time of year to capture the One, True love story.

…

Redemption comes in all forms.

God used those miserable years of my fighting His Truth.

Those years spent holding on to this physical world.  To the illusion that I would feel completed by another. By a love between two broken and fragile human hearts.

In my despair.

In my lonely.

My darkest of places…He shined His light.

I used to pull that door shut tightly in my heart. The one that held memories of loving. Memories of my friend.  It was barricaded with disappointment and anger. Locked with a notion of unfairness. Behind it, remembrance of a love lost.

But in time…the handle turned just a little as Jesus peeked in.

Through the slightest of cracks, His Light came streaming.

Illuminating my secret spaces.

His True Love shined gratitude into that space of bitterness. The warmth of His peace, caressed my sense of loss.

Wrapped around my grief to eclipse the pain.

God used the moments of devastation to help me open my eyes. To see a Love that no mortal man could ever begin to offer.

All of the hours I used to spend longing for worldly, physical contentment are now flooded with a breathtaking awareness of His presence in my life.

Oh how He loves me!

My Maker.

My Savior.

My Friend.

Every day a glorious glimpse of His more-than-I-could-ever-ask-or-dream-of Love.

For we are the Bride of Christ.

…

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He paints another sunset over the quiet, rippling water this evening.

And in the silence, I can sit content with a thankful heart.

Fondly remembering my walks by the river with my dear, beloved friend.

Praying that the man on this earth whom I loved is finding his own beautiful peace in Christ…

under the same blanket of a starry sky tonight.

…

I don’t know what God has written for me in the upcoming chapters of my story.

I only have now.

And if it all ended today, I couldn’t ask for more than this ~

The abundance of the only Perfect Love.

My Joy.

My Jesus.

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enjoy … “Beautiful You” by Trent Monk

 

** NOTE: inscription on the small gourd in photo above:

“Give me eyes to see & a heart that is willing to change.”