Finding your way in the darkness ~ stories of light & hope.

Today is the winter solstice.

The shortest day of the year. We will spend more hours beneath the cloak of night than in the brilliance of day.

Of course, the calendar tells of this.

But if we are observant of our surroundings – the weeks past and the changing patterns of light – we know it is coming.

We use the light as a guide.

…

I woke up early.

My feet slid from beneath the warm of the flannel sheets. They reached for the floor, my toes touching first. Meeting the surface that would support me. My foundation.

My fingers fumbled as I searched for the little switch on the lamp. Tiny rigid lines wrapped neatly in a round. I gave a gentle twist.

It was not quite twilight.

My favorite time of day.

I love to be up during this transition of light. When morning kisses the earth. When sky slowly illuminates the silhouettes of night.

And the world outside is awash with blue.

As another year draws to a close, my mother’s words ring softly in my head.

“I would never trade age for wisdom,” she once told me.

Months and years, they pass by so quickly. But through time’s passage we gain precious perspective.

We glean incredible insight.

Words like grace and patience become treasured accompaniments as we turn the pages to the stories of our lives.

The chapters of our learning.

---

Looking back more than twenty years, I can close my eyes and it seems as if it were yesterday.

The memories of that weighted veil of darkness are vivid. But they no longer take hold to frighten and haunt me like they once did.

It was early December.

I don’t recall the color and festivities of the holidays that year.

Instead, those winter days were the bleakest of times that I’d ever known. Anxiety pursued me like the black on a raven. Terror consumed my waking hours.

The twilight that I now love was a frightening time for me back then. It was when the bottomless pit of depression seemed to swallow me whole.  The time of day when it would all come creeping back.

The darkness outside my window a mirror of my then, lost and empty soul.

I shuddered at the thought of twilight each day. For with the coming of night came the agony of the emotional storms coursing through me.

The overwhelming fear.

The panic.

And after weeks of so many sleepless nights, I was spinning into an abyss and unable to care for myself. My loved ones let me know that it was time.

I had finally checked out.

It was time to check-in for some help.

For the next ten days, the psychiatric ward of the local hospital would be my home. I was desperate to get some relief from the aching noise in my head.

And in His amazing way – God shone brightly into that place.

For as He promises:

“The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”                  ~ John 1:5

Looking back I’ve learned that those weeks were a tremendous transition in my life. God used them to strengthen my faith ~ that I might learn to fully trust in Him.

Knowing that my victory is in the Cross.

…

My prayer was answered the week before Christmas that year.

I will never forget it.

I prayed for peace. 

I prayed for Him to silence the anxious and incessant chatter that grabbed-hold of my every thought. Thoughts that no longer seemed my own.

The closing chapter of that story held layers of beauty, and…

It was lined with luminaries. 

With light.

Glorious light!

On my way home on the evening that I was discharged, my mother took me to visit the local conservatory.

It was the night of the annual luminary walk.

As I meandered the stone paths that wound through the dormant and woodland gardens that night, I realized I was not alone on this journey. This path to a new awareness in my life.

My Jesus was walking with me. 

Tears of gratitude welled-up as I contemplated this seemingly impossible gift that I had been given. A true miracle of Christmas.

God had provided me space to breathe. 

The chatter had quieted, and in His amazing grace I found rest.

Matthew 4:1

The people living in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.

Now, fast forward to present day.

The twilight time that once brought me angst, God has used for good in my life.

It is a reminder of His Grace. A source of peace to my full and busy days. In it I now find calm and respite. You see, He takes the struggles of this world that the enemy intends for ruin, and turns them inside out.

Our Savior redeems all things.

And in doing so, we discover powerful lessons wrapped in this limited, yet necessary physical existence.

---

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”  ~ John 10:10

---

The hours of the day passed slowly for her as she anticipated the adventure ~ my Sweet Louise.

This particular evening she would be taking to the skies for her very first night flight. This pilot-in-training was ready for her next challenge.

And twilight beckoned.

According to her instructor, our eyes take approximately 45-minutes to truly adjust to darkness.

And once that happens…it’s like magic from the pilot’s seat of that plane.

So, I watched as Emma did her usual pre-flight inspection in the waning hours of day. Her excitement almost palpable.

While there was still a generous golden sliver of light on the horizon, they took off into the starry expanse of night.

Bound for a new dimension of beauty. 

I waited at the airport while she was up. Occasionally she would call in over the radio, and you could hear that girl smiling from 3,500 feet above the earth!

She was learning new techniques for flying in the dark.

She learned how to use the lights on the ground for navigation. Other patterns of light in her periphery that identify specific locations and landmarks. These became reference points.

And inside the cockpit, she assimilated new information.

The shapes and textures of various knobs and switches now held meaning.  For in the dark, the pilot has to use their sense of touch to determine the throttle from the radio. The wing-flap controls from the microphone.

Those lights brought a sense of security in her knowing her place.

The knowledge of the controls and how they feel, gave her sense of hope for how to return home.

…

And return she did.

To tell stories of the magic from that vantage point so far up in the air. Sharing in words the beauty she experienced from that new perspective.

The excitement spilled over as she thought of her next nighttime venture.

Psalm 119: 105

Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.

That we might find such delight in our new learning!

…

The stories of our life are not mistakes. Each and every one is a learning opportunity. An opportunity for growing our relationship with Him.

An opportunity to embrace the promise that He goes before us.

Always. 

Our great Heavenly Father came to our world in the tender sweetness of a baby. The greatest love of all time, nestled in a manger.

He came to radiate light, forever to illuminate our darkened and sinful world.

For when all seems lost, when confusion surround us, when things feel impossible He still reigns.

This King of Kings.

Our light and our hope.

This is the Savior of whom Isaiah foretold.  This tiny babe ~ come to save us.

To rule nations.

The Messiah.

“For a child is born to us, a son is given to us; and the government is upon His shoulder, and his name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.”   ~ Isaiah 9:6

…

May this precious season of Christmas be a blessing to you, dear reader.

As you sit in the soft, stillness of night may you bask in the wonder of the Christ-child. Taking time to ponder the moment that Heaven kissed earth when He entered in.

Our Emmanuel.

Bringing you direction for every frail and wandering thought that you possess. Guiding you to the light of His great love.

And to the hope of our forever home with Him.