Building confidence & finding comfort on difficult days.

Time ticks.

Clocks are set back today.

A few more minutes in our pockets as autumn arrives. An extra hour to contemplate life.

This beauty.

I step out into the quiet of morning.

Frost almost on the pumpkin.

Leaves crunching from the cold. Birds flitting to the feeders, seeking sustenance for the day.

Peering into the garden I can readily see this transformation of time.

Colors fade.

Leaves wilt.

Life energy drawn deep into perennial roots. Hunkering down for yet another frigid winter. The snow will inevitably fall. Burying deep the once green shoots.

Now dormant.

Waiting.

Seed pods at the ends of sturdy stems. Storing the bounty of next years blossoms.

…

The lake water is still.

I glance over the surface and into the distance.

Four white-feathered figures float gracefully along the shore. The family of swans is among the reeds.

Perhaps also contemplating the seasonal change.

Gathering the last of the tubers in the shallows.

For soon the surface will be frozen.

I walk back into the warmth of the house and reflect on the goings on in my own life.

The parallels with nature.

The similarities of the seasons.

Inside and out.

…

I have found myself drawing inward over these past months.

Deepening my relationship with Christ.

Retreating from the outside world and the elements of change that surround us.

Mustering strength on difficult days.

Trying to find confidence in my stride.

Tentatively toward this pending transition. An all-too-quickly approaching season of life. 

A season that looks so strange and empty without my daughter here at home. 

I am practicing the ability to be still. To wait on God and to watch for His moving in this unfamiliar space.

Once again, He sent me a gift.

A connection with my Sweet Louise.

This feels especially precious as our relationship at times feels strained.

Tenuous. 

Delicately detached.

The other day, she let me see inside to her own struggle. To the other side of this season. From her adolescent and valuable point-of-view.

Tears welling-up in her eyes, she asked if we could sit together on the couch. We wrapped up, side-by-side, in the big cozy blanket.

Before the words came, we sat for a moment in silence and looked out the window. 

Leaves swirled like the thoughts inside her mind.

Then her heart poured out as she cried.

Fragments of sentences came spilling. The pain of her emotion palpable.

This longing for her childhood. Responsibilities of her tomorrows. The two intertwined ~ tangling her clarity and overwhelming her at times.

Weighing her down.

Stealing her joy.

Making her question herself.

She too, struggling to find confidence.

Confidence in herself.

In her place in this world.

Expanding and retracting in her fragile framework of independence.

Absorbed in the allure of autonomy. 

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

This is where our human nature differs from that of nature on our doorstep.

Nature outside is God’s handiwork.

Perfection.

Creation.

Our fallen nature is quite the contrary.

In our self-reliant tendencies we are always aching for achievement.

Clamoring for confidence. 

And striving for success.

…

As I have quieted my heart and pulled closer to my Jesus in these past few weeks, the question has run repeatedly through my head.

Over and over.

Could it be that we’re misplacing our efforts?

Maybe we don’t need to be building confidence in ourselves.

Perhaps true contentment and peace come from building confidence in Christ.

Confidence in the Word.

Confidence in His promises.

Trusting the plans of an unstoppable God.

In receiving the joys of today and anticipating the weaving of His goodness into our tomorrows.

---

A dear friend of mine is on a plane right now.

She is traveling a thousand miles for a second opinion. 

A second opinion regarding the cancer that has taken up an unwelcome residence.

Are there more options for treatment? Is there something that can halt the process? Something other than the chemo that has ravaged her body over the course of this past year?

All of this just months after her son’s wedding.

And mere weeks after taking the hand of her new husband.

On the heels of these celebrations….this, a most challenging season of her life began.

Countless friends and family have watched this chapter of her story unfold.

Moreover, we have watched the grace with which she has turned the pages.

How she is walking through this journey.

Our hearts breaking with hers.

Holding of hands.

Crying tears of loss and of love.

We have witnessed the strength of her spirit through the devastation of diagnosis.

We have watched her bravery though the fires of chemotherapy and the burning embers left in its wake.

We look on as she prevails in perseverance despite the unknown. 

Her story is one of beautiful surrender.

This is the embodiment of confidence in Christ. 

Hers is a true commitment to the trusting of our Heavenly Father.

To walking by faith.

And to the knowledge that He is always in control. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

…

So, you see… this worldly belief of confidence in ourselves is such a broken and vastly flawed concept.

It is a fragile premise easily shattered ~ like autumn ice formed thin in the cold, dark of night. 

It is only our confidence in the Cross that holds any truth!

When we draw nearer to Him we find strength in His presence. The divine and Holy Spirit. The conveyor of peace. The longing of our souls. 

A treasure to carry us through the difficult seasons.

His grace written on our hearts.

The struggles and strains of this physical world can no longer hold us bound.

For we know that each of our stories are like beloved seeds stored in the dormant garden.

Procured and protected.

Waiting for their release in His perfect timing in the building of His Kingdom.

A perennial pouring of His great love for us.